pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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