My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
