They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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