I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
