I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
