i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
