dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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