Well apparently he's into motor boating.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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