Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
