I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
