M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
