How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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