Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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