shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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