Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
