It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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