I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
