I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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