we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
