why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
