I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
