You're a womanizer and a bitch.
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
