I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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