He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
