very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
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