I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize