I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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