I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
