i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
