ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
