We're like a lot better than the average bears
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
