I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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