i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
