Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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