Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
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