Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
