i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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