So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
