No more Irish car bombs ever.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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