guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
