I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
