Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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