I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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