I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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