I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i just wanna soil my oats bro
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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