Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
