My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
