Need sex. Gaining weight.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
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