If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
