oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
