Michael Bay diarrhea
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
