cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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