Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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