Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize