You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
