I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
