Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
You ate ashes out of my bong
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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