Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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