I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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