3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
