I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
