Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
