Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
