i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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