Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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