Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
