If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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