i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
My liver just had a heart attack.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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