You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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