We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
