There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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