OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
