that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
