about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
