So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
