so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
