She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
