It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
