Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
