haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
