Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Randomize