Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
