The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
