I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
