i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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