My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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