my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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