Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
