So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
