I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
