I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
